Funny Carpenter Jokes and Puns
Here a list of 33 carpentry jokes and puns that are just plane awesome. Feel free to share this page with friend, family or your favourite carpenter!
1. A carpenter came around the other day…
He made quite the entrance.
2. Why was king arthur unhappy with his new table?
The carpenter had cut some corners
3. Why are carpenters so good at building stairs?
They’re always a step ahead!
4. How do you torture a carpenter?
Rip out his nails
5. What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand
6. Why did the carpenter cross the road?
To get to the other site.
7. I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps.
He gave me a blank stair.
8. How do you torture a carpenter?
Rip out his nails.
9. Who says ‘When one door closes, another door opens?’
A bad carpenter
10. Did you hear about the carpenter who is hiring new people?
He is looking for joiners.
11. What do nervous carpenters do?
They Bite their nails.
12. Why are carpenters superstitious?
They are always knocking on wood.
13. Why was the carpenter fired?
He just didn’t measure up
14. Did you know that there is a show where you can pay money to watch a carpenter throw a long, pointed tool into another long pointed too?
Awl in awl, it is a cool experience.
15. The boss told me I’m like lightening with a hammer. Thanks, I said, is it because I’m so fast?
No, he said, it’s because you never hit the same spot twice.
16. What attributes are valuable in a cabinet maker but undesirable in any other trade?
Being Counterproductive.
17. Why did the carpenter run away?
He was making a bolt for the door!
18. Why were the carpenters good witnesses?
They saw everything.
19. What does the carpenter take to the doctor?
Stool Samples
20. A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
21. Have you heard of the blind carpenter?
He picked up a hammer and saw.
22. Why is 10 Downing Street like a carpenter’s workshop?
The cabinets always need fixing.
23. What happened when the carpenter accidentally sawed off his left hand?
The doctor said he’d be all right
24. I grew up in a broken home.
My father was a drunk carpenter.
25. An old man wakes up in a hospital. He sees a younger gentleman, standing by his bed, who asks him “How tall are you?”
The man replies ” Five foot ten, doctor”.
The younger man, looking confused, says “Oh, I’m not the doctor, I’m the carpenter”
26. There’s a woman down the road who only had one breast, her carpenter husband made her a second one out of mahogany.
That’d make a great replacement, wooden tit?
27. I once dated a workaholic carpenter. I told her to choose: “It’s me or your tools.”
She chose the ladder.
28. I have a great pun but you wooden get it.
29. Hear about the disorganised Mexican carpenter?
He made a mesa.
30. I cut it twice and it’s still too short!
31. Have you seen the joke about the carpenter that had to fix a fence?
I believe it was a repost
32. Who was the first carpenter ever?
Eve, she made Adam’s banana stand.
33. I’ve been looking all day for a good carpentry pun.
Unfortunately, nothing I saw wood work.
